Milestones

Dear Grandpa,

Lots of milestones have passed by and we haven't talked for a while. It's a little over a year since you've passed, I am settled into my school work and living situation here in new paltz, and I finally have a puppy of my own; her name is Calypso (Caly) and she is the biggest joy in my life. I swear, she keeps me going some days when life gives me a run for my money. The best part of everyday is opening the door to my little mama thrilled to see me, struggling to wag the nub (literally) of her tail. She drives me crazy when she chews EVERYTHING, shreds the toilet paper from the garbage, and misses her wee wee pad, but the snuggles at night make up for all that and more. I am so blessed to have a family that got me such a wonderful Christmas gift and I am blessed to have the perfect dog for me. She's a cutie!

As for all of the problems I had before, oh they're still there. Even some new "situations" have come up and, as always, I'm surrounded with drama that will mean nothing to me on a few years. But I guess that keeps me going too. Struggles make you fight, hurt a little, and then make you a little stronger. Battle wounds are sexy, right?

Anyway, I've decided to play it easy this semester. School is not something you can mess around with and I think it's finally hitting me. So rather than messing around with friends all week and screw up my own morals, I'm really trying to step up. I've got to set my priorities straight and become a little more selfish. I have so many big dreams to fill and not a lot of time to do it. I hope you can give me courage and strength to pull me through this time because the 20 year old in me wants to go out and be a fool for the last few months of my not-yet-adulthood. Who knows, maybe Caly was your idea of making me grow up and accept actual responsibilities for once. I mean, she is my little angel after all!

After everything, I still miss you, Grandpa. There weren't many years of my life where you were healthy, but we still had so much fun when you were sick; it only makes me wonder what things would have been like of you never got Alzheimer's; if YOU could have lead ME in my sweet 16 dance, or if we could have beaten Daddy and Grandma in dominoes without a foolish fight. Regardless, I miss watching you lick salt from your palm and cursing Grandma off and filling in your brows with blue sharpie and tickling my ear with your dirty fingernails that you hated to get cut. I miss you a whole lot and I hope you can hear some of what I'm saying. I know you visited Mom and Daddy in their dreams a little while ago and they said you looked great. You were a hippie with long hair and you were so happy and I couldn't help but be a little jealous because I never had a chance to see you like that. I wish you could come visit my dreams sometime soon because I want to see you again. Not sick you. Healthy, young, and happy Grandpa. The Grandpa that I never had the chance to love.

Love always,
Your granddaughter