Sunday, December 16, 2012

December 17, 2012

Dear Grandpa,

It's amazing how the mind works.  I can close my eyes right now and feel the intensity of the exact moment of your passing.  I remember the color of your skin and the shrill in Grandma's voice.  She rambled about honey... something about feeding you honey, but I remember being able to lift your body.  Like a child.  I can replay that moment just how it happened and every time I do, I feel nervous like I did when I had to call 911, Mom, and Dad.

So many things have changed, Grandpa, and it's hard to keep up with the world.  Tragedies, heartbreaks, and health challenges surround our holiday season and that's aside from the feeling of missing you.  Our family is stronger than ever and that helps, but it just doesn't feel like Christmas time. Mom and Grandma finally feel good enough to celebrate and decorate the house and tree, which is great.  But I feel like I'm just sucking up all of their sadness.  With finals and other stressors, I feel like I'm setting myself back.

It doesn't feel like you've been gone for two years.  I want you swimming with me in Puerto Rico or fixing your hearing aid that always went off during moments of silence.  As much as I would like for this day to fly by, it's already crawling.  December 17, 2010.  The last day I was blessed to have you in my life.  And, oh, how I miss you.  Maybe I'll see you in my dreams.

It's amazing how the mind works.

Love always,
Your granddaughter

1 comment:

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