Missing Someone

Dear Grandpa,

I miss the times when I was worried I would never have my first kiss, or wondered what my first date would be like. When deciding whether to do geometry homework or take a bike ride was my biggest issue. I miss feeling independent of everyone.

I miss my best friend. I miss being able to text him and laugh about something stupid, or just sit in his car and fear for my life. I miss feeling confident with myself and beautiful when I was with him. I miss being self-assured of everything I was doing and where I was taking my future. I just miss it all and I hate it. I wish I could just turn these feeling off, but it's impossible. I find myself dreaming of false realities and the only way I survive my long drives is with blasting reggaeton music. I want to hate him so badly, but I can't.

All I can do is miss him. And I hate it. AND, I don't understand how why he doesn't miss me too.

Grandpa, take my mind away for one night, so I don't wake up feeling like this. It's really wearing me down and the reggaeton playlist is so over played its not funny.

Love always,
Your granddaughter